In addition to my OB/GYN appointment yesterday, I also had a visit with a hematologist. My general practitioner referred me to him (well, not him specifically but the medical group he’s a part of) because I am currently on Coumadin for my Factor V Leiden and I’ll need to be on Lovenox while I’m trying to conceive, pregnant and breastfeeding. Since that is a bit beyond my GP’s area of expertise, she sent me to him.
He was very nice. Mostly. There was one thing he said that I found off-putting. As we were going over my history and the reasons why I was referred to him, I explained that my boyfriend and I wanted to try for a baby. He looked at me and said:
‘You and your boyfriend? You’ll get married though, right? It’s only fair to the child.’
He said this in a kind of smily, affable way and I didn’t think much of it at the time because my boyfriend and I are planning to get married. But after I left the office, after I had some time to think about it, I got a bit offended. It really should be none of his business whether or not my boyfriend and I marry; our marital status has no bearing on my medical treatment plan. I will need to be on Lovenox if I am single. I will need to be on Lovenox if I am married. In hindsight, his smile and good humor while saying that to me seemed to imply ‘Even though I asked this, it’s a rhetorical question because of course you are going to get married. What kind of hussy has a kid out of wedlock?’
My parents are Swedish — as in, from Sweden rather than just having some Swedish ancestry somewhere five generations back. Over there, it really isn’t a big deal if you start a family before getting married nor is it an issue if you stay unmarried. A family is a family; it’s not as if a ring and a piece of paper will make it more legitimate. Over here, because of our health care system, there are practical reasons to get married if you are going to have kids. But he wasn’t speaking to practical matters. His comment no doubt came from his own moral beliefs. Which is fine! Have them! But keep those beliefs to yourself, buddy.
The reason that I am only annoyed rather than mad is that my doctors are all affiliated with a Catholic hospital (I’m not Catholic — or follow any religion actually — but I ended up in a Catholic hospital when I had my pulmonary embolisms and I liked my treatment there so I am sticking with them). So, considering his medical affiliation, his moral viewpoint is .. understandable? Expected? Still, he should have refrained from saying what he did.
Took another ovulation test this morning, got another positive. I think next month, in addition to taking the ovulation tests, I will also chart my temperature. FOR SCIENCE!