Fading

Yesterday’s ovulation test was a positive but I had been expecting to ovulate today. Therefore my assumption was that this morning’s ovulation test would be even darker than it was yesterday. Surprise! It’s gotten lighter.

I’m new to all this and I feel like I am fumbling around in the dark a bit. Maybe I’m lucky and got pregnant right off the bat but — other than that teeny, tiny, outlying hope — I’m looking at this as a test run.

Where’d you go, line?

This weekend’s happy fun-times felt really significant to me. This is real! We are really, deliberately trying! It’s a strange thing to not worry about birth control or condoms; to give my lower bits a little pat while lying in bed afterwards and wishing the guys in there (Hallo, egg! Hallo, sperm!) luck. Of course, this all is still very much in the ‘if I won the lottery’ phase: wondering whether or not I’m knocked up is the same as wondering what I would buy if I won MegaMillions. It’s a blissful thought, a happy thought but it feels like fanciful daydreaming. But there’s still hope. There’s always hope.

I guess my two week wait has begun.

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