Begin at the beginning

My answer to the question ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ has changed several times during the course of my 40 years. A psychologist! A marine biologist! A cartoonist! An animator! Princess Leia*! One thing I have always been certain about though is that I want to be a wife and mother. Growing up, I had a great family — as far as parents go, my brother and I definitely won the Awesome Mom & Dad lottery. Big time! I knew that I wanted to pay it forward, to step into the role of (hopefully) Great Parent and raise a child with happiness and love. Alas, time and situation have always seemed to push it off to ‘someday’.

And here I am. 40, almost 41. My somedays are now in short supply. The time and situation are still not ideal but I know I will regret it for the rest of my life if we don’t at least try.

I took an ovulation test this morning that I thiiiiiink came back positive. I’m not sure. I got two lines but the test line is a little lighter than the control. I probably should have gotten those digital display testers that just show a happy face if you test positive for ovulation.

Yes? No? Soon?

My last period was on October 15th so, between that and the ovulation test, it seems that this weekend should be my bow-chica-wow-wow time. I don’t really know, though, if I have a standard 28-day cycle. When I came off birth control in March when I got my diagnosis of Factor V Leiden, I went several months without a period at all. It might have been because I was too skinny (I lost a lot of weight during my hospital stay for two pulmonary embolisms since I could not keep anything down). It might have just been my body resetting itself. It might have been something else. My periods kicked back up in July but I haven’t been paying attention to the length of the cycles.

I don’t know! I guess we will see and just plow ahead. Haha, plow. That’s a sex euphemism!

* Shut up, Princess Leia is totally a valid profession! Don’t you dare tell my 5 year old self otherwise!


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